For the last two weeks I have had a difficult time concentrating on reading. Every time I opened a book I thought I was sure to enjoy I just ended up slamming it back down in frustration. It wasn’t the book’s fault and I knew it. This week, in an effort to combat my reading slump, I downloaded a few short, free e-books. They certainly aren’t of my usual genres but I had try to overcome my predicament. Happily, it worked, and I’m currently working my way through Golden Son with delight. In the meantime, I bring you my week of sloppy, free romance mini reviews. That’s right. I read romance this week. Not my proudest moment but it is what it is. So, please join me in chuckling at myself on this Mini Review Friday.
Her Mad Hatter by Marie Hall
What “romance” did I find myself chuckling at this week? Why, the Mad Hatter’s love story of course. I’ve always had a thing for that crazy fellow and his assorted collection of hat’s. Who doesn’t? What I didn’t ever expect was for him to have a love interest. Of all of the times I’ve thought of the Hatter I can’t say that I ever imagined him mooning over anyone and knocking boots.
His story begins with, of course, a fairy god mother whose job it is to find love for the more eccentric fellows in the lovely enchanted lands. Who does she find for Hatter? Why, Alice! Who else? Not the traditional Alice from the old stories, oh no. Apparently original Alice was a bit of a bitch and used him. This is original Alice’s great grand daughter and she owns a cupcakery in Hawaii. The fairy god mother informs Hatter she has found him a match then she swoops in and brings Alice back to meet the more than a little insane Hatter.
They are both resistant to what is essentially an arranged relationship that starts with a really weird three day blind date. However, if Hatter doesn’t find love he will die, it seems, and the god mother informed Alice of this so she gives it her best shot. The Hatter, who still remembers her great grandmother spurning him, doesn’t give it much of a shot at all. They do have a few heated love scenes but I have to say that reading about Hatter knocking boots was a little awkward. I kept imagining him randomly spitting out his unique laughter or wearing his flamboyant hats while doing the deed. Definitely awkward. I may have laughed but that was rather my point in reading this.
Alice returns to Hawaii after the relationship outwardly fails and falls immediately violently ill and nearly dies of very aggressive cancer. The god mother plucks Alice back to Hatter and her cancer magically disappears and the two have their happily ever after. Not the most entertaining ending but an ending all the same.
Gerard’s Beauty by Marie Hall
This story is another one stemming from fairy tale characters. It took me a bit to figure out who Gerard was, though. I didn’t recall any fairy tale princes named Gerard. Low and behold it was because Gerard is really Gaston. That’s right, Gaston from Beauty in the Beast. It seems that he was only painted as a horrible character because of some vendetta with a different fairy god mother. She was agitated with him over some slight or another so when the story was written about Belle she presented him as an evil doer.
Gerard, while not being a traditionally evil character, is a womanizer and drunk and has found himself in a bit of trouble after being accused of having relations with the daughter of some angry king. In comes the good fairy god mother to rescue him. (insert snarky comment about him having to be rescued by a woman because he couldn’t keep it in his pants)
She plunks Gerard down on our own boring non magical Earth and tells him his true love who can save him works at the library and if he doesn’t win her love he will be executed upon his return to their magical kingdom. No pressure.
The lovely librarian he is to woo is named Betty and, dully, is perfectly happy to accept his advances. Betty is boring. The two have a month to do the whole happily ever after game or Gerard will be killed. Funnily, the two can’t do the horizontal tango as part of Gerard’s sentence was to be made, well, flaccid for the month.
To cut the dull dull dullness short, our boring good girl Betty does fall in love with Gerard and ends up saving him from his impending execution. I cannot begin to count the times I rolled my eyes at her. Naive, sweet, and silly. Couldn’t deal with her. Anyway, they got their happily ever after and can be boring together for all eternity.
I also read Silver Storm by Cynthia Wright but can’t bring myself to find anything interesting to say about that one. Girl meets pirate. Falls in love. Pirate is a womanizer. Girl’s hometown, which is oddly somewhere I have lived and loved (New London, Connecticut), is burned to the ground by the British during the Revolutionary War. Girl and pirate do the dirty, she ends up pregnant, they get married, the end. It probably wasn’t actually that bad but I am cynical and have a very non-romantic heart so I didn’t find much entertainment in the story.
Despite these books not being up my proverbial alley they did pull me out of the reading slump that had been plaguing me. Next week I’ll have a review of Golden Son by Pierce Brown for you all! Thanks for reading and have, as always, a beautiful day.