I’ve been very absent here on my blog off and on recently. It is not that I have nothing to say, I’m just feeling overwhelmed as I’m sure many of us are lately. COVID, despite what the government is trying to tell us (at least in the US), is still running rampant and I’ve had to return to work in order to maintain my healthcare benefits. Work is tiring during normal times but worrying over the germs and whether or not I’ll get enough hours to even pay for health care is exhausting.
Then came the horrific murder of George Floyd and I’ve been trying to speak up and use my voice both online and in my community to promote change. I live in an area below the Mason-Dixon Line in the US. People drive down the streets with the Confederate Flag waving off the backs of their raised trucks, guns rights stickers enveloping their bumpers. I love my town, there are a lot of lovely people here. There are also a great many that hold onto what they consider as their Confederate values. It hurts.
On top of that the school systems are debating how/if they plan to reopen in the fall and as I have a child entering first grade that has been occupying a large piece of my mind. What the school system decides affects my work and home life as both will have to be adjusted to make room for whatever changes they propose. With that there will be a small child in this house confused by the changes and when children are confused or frustrated they, at least in my experience, tend to lash out. As a parent part of my job is be the calm to her storm and help hold her together when things feel out of her control. It takes a lot of love and effort.
Just to toss the icing on the cake I also have a tumor that needs removed and now that I finally have reasonable health insurance (US healthcare system is a joke) now my doctor is telling me to wait and avoid the hospital.
I’m just stressed, like so many of us are right now. These things are taking up such a large space in my mind that finding my usual joy in blogging and reading has disappeared.
I’m not complaining or asking for sympathy, merely venting my thoughts and frustrations. This world is a terrible place and I have the feeling that it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better and my very soul hurts. So if you are hurting or struggling, too, know that you are not alone. If you feel like it may be cathartic to voice your frustrations and hurts, like I have just done, do it.
This bookish community has so many lovely people in it and I’m thankful to have found you all. If you are hurting or just need a chat you can always find me on Twitter (@literaryweapnry). I may not respond immediately but I will as soon as I can.
Stay safe, stay healthy, and reach out if you need to.